A Guiding Light
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Day 1
I am using this journal to record my mental thoughts and the events that occur from this day onward. Yesterday is a day I will remember forever. Yesterday was the day I found a magnificent star. A star brighter than any other.

I have been an avid star gazer for most of my life. As a boy, the stars of the night sky were something of an enigma to me, and an immense interest of mine. My father told me that these lights were the eyes of God, and that they would be watching me. Always. As much as I'd like to believe that these were the evidence of a benevolent God, there was always some part of me that doubted it, and I hated it. Despite my hatred for my self doubt, the skies that had enamored me so had always brought with them a soothing calmness.

But as the influence of my religious family was great, I had studied the book of God and its contents by the will of my father. The Bible studies and respective sermons had hindered my many escapades to the hills to observe the stars, and so that hobby had fallen behind me.

When I became of age I joined the congregation and became a fledgling priest. Throughout the years as the distance between me and my family grew, so did my love of the skies. After the many jobs that I fulfill on a day to day basis for the church, my telescope had always brought me joy.
Yesterday, I had discovered the greatest of joys. One that would trump all others. This star had a particular lure to it. So alluring in fact, that I had spent countless hours observing it, up until the sun came up and scared it away. It was a great dissatisfaction, but it had inspired me to keep a recollection of it in this journal. As to keep it in my memory.

I sometimes ponder whether this could become an obsession. My father has a history of alcoholism, despite his inherent faith to God. His addictions might have been passed on. I ponder this because of the star itself. The way its light shimmered in the darkness surrounding it. The way it had drowned out all others in its presence. It was akin to something of a visual drug, and made the hours pass into seconds.

I sometimes ponder whether I should avoid it. But as always, the star blows those thoughts away in its dazzling rays.

Day 3
The day was wholly unremarkable and the same as a thousand others, the only difference being the minute variations in requests by the bishop and the people that come unto the church. Normally I'd be overjoyed by another successful day, but the apparent monotony of it all has been outlined and emboldened by some unknown entity. Routine has become irritatingly boring and outright madness to me.

The only thing that brought me all the way to the end was the star.

After saying my goodbyes to my fellow priests and my condolences to the bishop, I immediately took my leave and went home as fast as I could. Something is guiding my every move and the majority of my thoughts. If I wasn't actively trying to push that entity to the back of my head as I drove, the speed at which my car was going could have easily exceeded the speeding limit and got me punished.

But for some reason, that entity assured me that, it would all be fine. That, when I got home, those things wouldn't matter. Despite my ongoing no-ticket record, and my desire to keep that record up, those assurances had almost convinced me.

Once I got home, I waited impatiently for the sun to descend back into its cradle. For the time it took for the stars to finally show themselves, it lasted a century for them to come. It was agonizing. But it was worth it. As I looked through the telescope into the night sky, only one star would be able to draw my undivided attention. Similar to before, its' light ensnared my mind and locked my eyes onto itself. But unlike my last session, I would not last nearly as long.

Sleep had been on my mind that entire day, and that late night was no different. Retiring to my bed was one that required a lot of willpower, but I was finally able to persuade my restless mind into sleep through the boring process of counting sheep.

Day 5
I had a peculiar dream last night. Interesting, but peculiar nonetheless. The contents of the dream were strangely familiar to me. It was so short, and left me in an unsatisfied daze. At first, a vision of a deep abyss. One so horribly dark, there was nothing that could help me escape from it. It didn't matter if my eyes were closed and it didn't matter if they were open. The darkness's encroaching arms would soon reach my very soul. Until a bright and warm light eradicated it. Soon my eyes met with the light, and all became clear as day. As my eyes adjusted to the fiery blaze, it soon became apparent that it was a single point in a black sky. I realized what it was, and it was utterly baffling. That's why it was so familiar. That's why I wanted its welcoming embrace for decades longer.

Waking up was the worst thing that could ever happen to me at that moment. An alarm clock was ringing and with all my might I smashed the thing, and the ringing abruptly stopped with a harrowing whimper. It did what it should have not and that was wrench me from the starlight. Anger and irritation had plagued me that day, and many of my fellow priests avoided me.

The star has truly captured me in its grasp, and yet I do not want to leave it.

Day 7
It has become exponentially more difficult each day to resist its influence. After the vision that came to me that fateful night, my mind has been drifting towards the stars above. I cannot focus on my position within the church. My bonds that I have developed over the years with my fellow church goers has been waning. The words of God are ever so slowly fading away from my mind.
But the entity that I have been mentally fighting against in the back of my head has been winning. The thought of abandoning the church was always one that I loathed, but that thought has been growing. Just for the sake of that light in the cosmos that has been grabbing at me. I somehow still retain my sanity, but I fear that whatever's left of me will disappear, in favor of a much more obsessive parody of my former self.

Thoughts of the star are dominating all else. I hate it, and yet I love it with nearly all my being.
The church and its activities have become a non-factor in my life, but I still do it to retain a relatively normal public image. My prayers to God have become more frequent, as to ward the wiles of the star away, but they only serve to bolster them. Any attempts I make to escape the it have only been successful at making its subconscious pull stronger. I fear it. I fear that it might affect those I care about. But…maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing.

They might not understand its power. They might not understand its demands. They might not understand, that soon they will belong to it. I don't think I quite understand it myself, despite the time I have invested in observing it. Because of my obsession I have learned all the perfections it has. Yet somehow it has no defects. Nothing in this universe except its creator can possibly become a representation of perfection, and yet here perfection stands. Right here, in the deepest parts of the cosmos.

It garners a need for attention like a spoiled child, and I absolutely hate that I give it what it wants. I give my undivided attention without fail and it demands more. I give whatever is left of my life and it demands more. It will undoubtedly get what it wants. And I will be the one to give the thing it wants. Self doubt runs through me like a poison, and I will inevitably succumb to it. But even so, as its powerful persuasion is working itself upon me, I know its weakness. In its crusade to turn all eyes upon itself, it has left an opening for a flawed observer such as I.

Without its obedient watchers, its' treasured light would go out, snuffed like a candlelight. It lives and feeds off of its worshippers, and the more people that join its congregation, the brighter and more beautiful it grows. I cannot allow that to happen. But the entity that is continually outgrowing my own psyche, may soon succeed in its endeavor. The more I see its blinding rays, the more it grows.

I would pray for my benevolent God to help me, but I wonder whether He truly exists in the presence of this unruly entity that continues to infect me with its light. My sanity must have truly left me if I am doubting the deity that I have served for the majority of my life.

Day 10
I can't handle this alone. My mind is not ready for this. Everyday, my thoughts grow more and more distant. Most of the time they aren't even my own. at least I don't think they are Whispers of a coming age of light, and a threatening darkness are hounding the essence of my being. The star calls for me and I call for It.

The only person who has managed to pull me back from oblivion, was a local nun at the church. Ever since I had abandoned my duties, she had worried about me. Her name is Kelly McBraniggan. She is of young age with a particularly trim body, one that I sometimes would regrettably lust after. I have talked with her on many occasions prior to that night. She's a very nice girl, has many things to look forward to in her life at the moment. She understands me though. She's the closest person I have within the church, and she cares about me despite my clear flaws.

I don't want to drag her into this. Not her. Her innocence and virtue knows no bounds, and is arguably several times greater than mine. If she were in my shoes, I would vouch for her ability to resist this demon in an angel's disguise. But sometimes I will doubt even that. I mustn't let myself pull her into the whirlpool I am falling into. The Starlight hungers, and it must feed. Besides, giving her my accounts of the star, that might just be what It wants.

I don't know what to do I don't know what to do I don't know what to do I don't want to go insane I can't let her fall with me. No matter the cost. If I am lost to the light, I must be the only case of insanity. If I fall, I must be the only casualty.

Day 14
The Starlight has called upon me in my dreams once more. This dream was, again, familiar. First an incomprehensible void and then a piercing light. Except, this time, the light was smaller. It almost seemed like it was faltering against its eternal adversary. Waking in a cold sweat and an aching head, I realized its purpose.

I know every detail about the star that brought me here. Every speck of blue ray that it releases from itself. Every area of darkness that it eradicates, to combat the black abyss that threatens to swallow us all. And especially its weakness. If it were to falter and fail in the face of the void, we would all surely perish.

It needs the church. It needs us. It needs me. Not everyone is will at first see its true beauty. But I can show them. I can show them their potential, and so can the Starlight. Only a select few can possibly comprehend the importance of prolonging it’s existence, and it has appointed me as the herald of its calling. The change that has occurred to me over the last week has been boisterous and plentiful. My mind has undergone an evolution, the Starlight has made sure of that. I am eternally greatful for its major presence in my depressingly short life.

Although, some part of me still rages against the change that has happened. That part of me still wishes for things to go back to the way things were, where the knowledge of It’s existence hadn’t pierced the veil of ignorance that had been laid over me. Honestly, I’m surprised I had not found It sooner. Had I not discovered it, my life would have gone on, and I would have perished with nothing to really be proud of. No real goal to achieve. But for reasons now unknown to me, that life was apparently of value to me. That part of me regards this new existence as heresy and an insult to his faith.

I say his faith can go fuck itself. It brought nothing more than a myth that the ignorant masses believed to be true. Christianity, Hinduism, Judaism, Islam, and all of those good-for-nothing religions. They brought nothing but war and strife to this world. Countless centuries of bickering over nothing but a false deity that apparently over looked all that existed. Where is that benevolent God now? WHERE IS THE GOD THAT IS SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF US? WHERE IS THE GOD THAT SUPPOSEDLY LOVES ALL, AND YET LEAVES SO MANY TO STARVE AND EXPIRE IN UTTER FAMINE AND WAR?

The Starlight that I have discovered has brought me only peace and prosperity. For once, I feel I can contribute to something so much more bigger than myself. For once, I feel my contributions make a difference. Or rather, they will. The Starlight brings credence to its existence through my faith and will to preserve it. My faith is a testament to its ability to unite. I will prove it. I will make sure that the Starlight and it’s prophecized fate comes to fruition.
And it all starts with Ms. Kelly McBraniggan.

Day 16
After a full day of nothing but monotonous tasks and repetitive sermons, I returned home with quite a guest, Kelly. Her beauty is almost comparable to that of the Starlight. Her hair, so silky smooth and covered with a fine platinum blonde; her aqua blue eyes that seem to look into the soul; her body lined with just the perfect amount of curves; and a face that seemed to radiate kindness. It is no wonder I had coveted her for so long.

She will be the second to see Its beauty. She will be my first disciple. After a multitude of discussions about her faith and why I've been gone for so long (of which she would soon find out), night had fallen upon the world, and the stars came to greet us.

Showing her the Starlight was one of the most difficult tasks I had to perform. But of course, it was for the greater good. Of course, she saw It too. She saw Its dazzling light, as I did. She was captured by the way it shimmered, like I did. She witnessed a true deity, like I did. But she did not seem to understand its purpose. It's almost like she shrugged off the Starlight's rays like a mere cotton blanket. Afterwards she had turned to me and said, "That's a beautiful star". But she said it with what seemed like disregard, like what had just happened wasn't of importance to her at all.

The part of me that resented the Starlight had celebrated. All the other parts of me became scornful of her existence. Why had she looked at me like that? Why had she looked at the Starlight like that? Had she not learned a thing from her witness of true perfection? Why? i don't understand i don't understand what could possibly be happ She isn't one of the chosen few. That's why. The Starlight rejected her. She was not worthy of being in Its presence. I understand now. Although she may not be one of the few, she has been spared. Surely if she wasn't accepted, she would have been seared and burned by Its holy rays right? For now, she will not be taking part.

But she will learn. They will all learn.

Day 17
After that day I had learned that not everybody is able to perceive the Starlight like I am. But only the Starlight will decide who can. I must find someone. A chosen one like me.

I might have discovered somebody who could be a possible candidate. Mr. Harry Rogers. A man who had been a priest much like me for a long time. He is a rather thin fellow with a bushy mustache but no hair upon his head, and has quite the ill temper. I have seen the man around the local bar multiple times, and saw him leave in a drunken state. The Starlight can redeem him, as it has redeemed me. Unlike my prized Kelly, he is tainted and impure. All I have to do is show him. As the Starlight has shown me.

Day 18
Today was a momentous day. Immense progress has been made, and the little project that I have started has been very successful.

All I had to do was show him.

Harry looked through the telescope, and unlike Kelly, his eyes were glued to the lenses. As I watched inquisitively, it seemed like he was completely entranced. He never moved from that spot for the next hour. He must've saw It. His eyes were most definitely transfixed. The Starlight had him in Its’ grasp, he was one of the chosen. To ascend into the heavens and live amongst the stars.

I allowed him an hour before I woke him from his deeply hypnotized state. When I saw him, I saw a wistful fragment of me inside his eyes. The me that was ignorant and unknowing of the importance of what had just happened. Yet, somehow, he was implanted with the knowledge of the Starlight and the void that follows It. He was reborn, transformed. Albeit at an immensely faster rate than the change that I had undergone. The power of the Starlight truly is an enigma.

Afterwards we had conversed about the Starlight and everything about It for countless hours. It wasn’t until Sol had risen from its deep slumber that we had terminated our need for fraternization.

It had all occurred like a bastardized baptism. It was glorious. If one can turn, so can many others. The prospect of turning the entirety of the church is almost titillating.

Day 20
WHAT DO THEY MEAN “YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?” THE WORDS OF THE STARLIGHT ARE THE TRUEST WORDS AMONG WORDS THEY ARE THE TRUTH. No. They know. Of course they would know. Who wouldn’t know of the Starlight. It has it’s reaches all across the universe. I know what they want. They want It. They want to take it away. THEY WANT TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME. THEY WANT IT they just want to help THEY WANT TO RIP IT AWAY AND THEN THROW ME INTO THE GUTTER. I SEE YOUR PRYING EYES YOU SCOUNDRELS YOU WONT TAKE IT AWAY. YOU’LL HAVE TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS YOU SINGLE MINDED FREAKS. YOU WOULDN’T EVEN BEGIN TO COMPREHEND MY POSITION AND ITS IMPORTANCE.

I will not let them.

Day 23
Now more than ever. We are growing ever closer to our final destination as mortal beings. Now more than ever we must succeed. Our fate as a a species was sealed when we started worshipping something that was completely non-existent. The Starlight has existed for much longer than any God a human could possibly imagine. Its’ language lies within its blinding rays, and I understand them. Harry understands them. Margaret understands them. But not everyone can. They may simply just not be prepared for what they hear. For what they see.

Talking the sense into them is meaningless. Not even members of the church would understand, and they worship godly deities for a living, albeit fake ones. But I was one of the lucky ones.

To witness a true deity must sometimes lead to tragedy. There must be a balance. There are those who must stay atop this scorched Earth, and there are those who must rise and meet their maker.
Kelly might not have understood the Starlights words at first. But she has to. I will make it so.

Consulting the Starlight requires a trained mind and a honed soul, but I must make it so. I cannot let her suffer alongside the flotsam that floats below this sinking ship known as Earth. She doesn’t deserve that fate. It is to this end that I while determine to force her to learn. To prepare her for the inevitable rapture. Lest she suffer Their fate.

Day 26
Our community grows. Little by little, the Starlight grows brighter and stronger. But there are still a meandering group of troublemakers that desire to unravel all that we have accomplished. They think they can stop the change that is to come to fruition. A heretical cult that simply disapproves of our methods and the Starlight itself. They continuously question our wishes and goals. All we desire to do is help you. Don't you understand? Our world is DYING. Our species is DYING, and the ONLY possibly solution, is to ascend.

In a fit of rage, Harry accidentally killed one of the church goers who were against all of this from the very start. I'd scold him, but this whole complication may have been just the will of the Starlight. We can't allow any of Them discover it. If they do, the whole event could end in shambles. I cannot allow that. We, cannot allow that.

Day 30
The day is near. All that has built up to this point. All that has accumulated to the now. We build the future, so that we may become greater. Us chosen few, chosen by the Starlight, are to evolve. Through the trial that has lasted throughout the centuries. A trial of blue flame. To challenge the stars, and to become them. Kelly, you will be there, with me. Only you will be at my side, to witness the Starlight and its' union with all of us. please god no dont do this WE WILL ALL JOIN THE STARLIGHT WITHIN THE COSMOS.

Day 34
I am It’s herald. The messiah. The Jesus Christ of the stars! THE NAME THOMAS BARTHOLOMEW WILL RING THROUGHOUT THE ANNALS OF HISTORY FOR COUNTLESS EONS THE STARLIGHT TOLD ME SO WHY WOULD IT LIE NOTHING KNOWS PERFECTION LIKE IT DOES NOTHING KNOWS ONLY IT KNOWS AND IT KNOWS THAT I AM ALSO PERFECTION WHY ELSE WOULD I BE CHOSEN TO BE THE LEADER THE MOSES THAT WOULD PART THE CLOUDS WITHIN THE SKY AND BRING US TO THE FATED PLACE AMONG THE STARS ABOVE I WILL BE GOD AMONGST MEN THE STARLIGHT WILL MAKE IT SO god help me ALL THOSE WHO OPPOSE THE STARS ARE INSECTS THAT WILL BE SQUASHED UNDER THE FOOT UNBEKNOWNST TO ANY EXISTING HUMAN but you are human THE ZEALOUS TROGLODYTES THAT WOULD EVEN ATTEMPT TO SQUANDER OUR GLORY WILL BE BRAZENLY BURNED INTO DUST BY THE LIGHT THE LIGHT THE LIGHT IS THE KEY TO SAVE US ALL AND I AM THE KEY HOLDER WILL SAVE ALL THE SUFFERERS THE WEAK THE MEAK THE POOR THE UNFAIRNESS OF THE WORLD TARNISHES US BUT THE LIGHT THE STARLIGHT WILL doom SAVE US ALL

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