RPC-777-J

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A dealt game by RPC-777-J.

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Item #: RPC-777-J

Object Class: Beta

Containment Protocols: RPC-777-J are to be stored inside a standard group-human containment chamber, located according to protocol-66X. Each member of RPC-777-J is to receive the standard-human-necessities-pack 2 times daily, with the exception of the instance of RPC-777-J that follows Judaism belief. The Jew only gets bacon.

Description: RPC-777-J is a group of 50 Caucasian humans of American decent. The group consists of 40% blackjack dealers and 60% hookers, all of whom are extremely swift and efficient at their jobs.

The blackjack dealers are able to shuffle a standard deck of 52 playing cards in roughly 0.2 seconds. They are also able to deal, place chips, and other blackjack related activities at similarly rapid paces. Playing blackjack with these dealers has been described as “extremely enjoyable”, despite the fact that the player loses every single time without fail, often losing all of their money. The dealers appear to be able to manipulate the deck while shuffling in order to produce an order of cards that will cause the player to lose in any situation.

The hookers have been described as “giving the best fucking blowjob I’ve ever had in my life”. Similarly to the blackjack, the blowjobs are highly addictive. Subjects exposed to the hookers do not contract any sexually transmitted diseases, despite the fact that the hookers are riddled with HPV, genital warts, Chlamydia, Communism, Gonorrhea, and several other previously unknown diseases. Upon any sexual act by a hooker on a subject, the hooker contracts any new sexually transmitted diseases the subject had, even when giving a handjob or footjob. The massive amounts of diseases have left the hookers horribly disfigured, their skin raspy, coarse and flaking. Despite how unappealing they sound, no subject has been able to resist them. It should be noted that all the hookers have a thick brooklyn accent. We are still unsure if this is caused by the sexually transmitted diseases.

Addendum: Currently, RPC-777-J are being used in protocol-66X-”operation casino”, in which the Authority built and funded their own casino within the Paradise, Las Vegas area. RPC-777-J were successfully bred to create the current 50 members, all of whom are employed at the asset's “Rakko Casino”. The Casino is currently profiting with very high margins compared to nearby competitive casinos. More use of anomalies is currently being discussed by The Anomalous Stripper Division of RPC.

Origin: RPC-777-J were a gift from the Russians in the midst of the cold war. Those Russians may have been commies, but they had some damn good taste in women.

A note from the Board:
Hahaha, fuck those SCP guys right? We have BLACKJACK AND HOOKERS BITCH. Haha lol jk lmao jkjk rofl this is satire haha SCP don’t hate me plz.

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