RPC-995
rating: -5+x
beta

Item #: RPC-995

Object Class: Beta

Containment Protocols: RPC-995 is contained in the Site 67 Sentient Living Quarters, Room 270. RPC-995’s room is to be soundproofed and free of clutter. RPC-995 is permitted to have complete furnishings within its room and is permitted to decorate it to its liking.

RPC-995 is not permitted to have any sort of visual recording devices within its room and is to be left unaware of any recording in progress. Audio monitoring of all activity within RPC-995’s quarters is to be reviewed by artificial intelligence for signs of possible visual recording in addition to usual forbidden acts.

Description: RPC-995 is a human male of Israeli-Irish ancestry. Standing at 1.77 meters tall and weighing 77.1 kilograms, RPC-995 is an otherwise normal human adult in its early-to-mid 30s. RPC-995 graduated from ████ █████████ State University in 20██ and moved to the greater Cincinnati, Ohio area to become a television pitchman in 2008, going by the name Dale Barter.

RPC-995’s anomalous effects become apparent when it is placed in front of a camera and begins to talk. Should RPC-995 so desire, all footage of an otherwise normal conversation or situation is replaced by a staged infomercial. The backdrop of these infomercials is a house, designated RPC-995-1. RPC-995-1 is in a brightly lit, two-story home, seemingly inside a pocket dimension. The outside of RPC-995 is stuck in a perpetual summer, with no other inhabitants in sight. RPC-995-1’s furnishings vary depending upon what product is being pitched by RPC-995. The most common set is a kitchen counter positioned in front of the camera, with windows located behind RPC-995 and to the right of the set in a small dining area connected to a door leading to a garden.

Upon viewing footage of RPC-995, the viewer’s eyes will dilate and the viewer will enter a trance-like hypnosis. RPC-995 will then enter the set, either carrying the product being pitched or approaching a surface with the product already on it. RPC-995 will be dressed in a light blue polo with the logo of the company owning the item embroidered on its left breast. If no company is selling the product, the name of the person/organization from which it acquired the product will be displayed instead. Products being pitched range from actual objects in the room the footage was filmed in to products that RPC-995 was aware of at one point, to original ideas RPC-995 has come up with itself. Most ideas pitched by RPC-995 are given nicknames, seemingly for trademarking and marketing purposes.

RPC-995 will then begin its pitch. Oftentimes, these pitches open with RPC-995 introducing the product and immediately performing its intended function. This will continue for up to 5 minutes, with various scenarios being presented showing the product’s effectiveness and versatility.

Any sentients nearby during the filming of the footage will also appear in a testimonials section, regardless of whether or not they own the product they’re promoting. These individuals are fully aware of what they’re doing and feel a compulsion to praise the product. Should they attempt otherwise, a sharp feeling of pain will be felt, followed by a choking sensation that forces vibrations in the victim’s vocal cords, forcing the individual to speak their lines. Testimonials generally are shorter lines of simple praise to a product, though there have been more in-depth appearances, such as when a staff member interviewing RPC-995 was forced to fire a security officer’s Glock 20 at said officer’s ballistic vest in an advertisement for ██████ brand level IV body armor.

RPC-995 has an effect on the mind of anyone viewing original footage of one of these infomercials. The viewer is prompted to buy whatever RPC-995 is selling by ordering from the phone number provided at the end of the advertisement.

When asked to view an infomercial for a snowball maker generated by RPC-995, all volunteers who bought the product claimed to do it out of their own free will, with most claiming RPC-995’s charismatic attitude led them to buy it. Those in the control group, who watched an edited, mirrored version of the same infomercial typically rated it as “fun to watch,” but only 11 out of 100 bought the product, which was a snowball maker, as opposed to the 100 who actually bought the machine when exposed to the original footage.

To date, all items pitched by RPC-995 while in containment include:
• A blanket that warms up quicker using friction, nicknamed the “Blank-X”
• A ballpoint pen
• Mr. ███████’s Sphinx SDP Compact sidearm
• ██████ brand body armor
• A candle containing human sex hormones, nicknamed the “FlameOn”
• A 3D printer filament recycler, nicknamed the “Fillerment Factory”
• A ball that emits light when thrown, nicknamed the “FlashBall”

Despite not being in production, products such as the Fillerment Factory and FlashBall were delivered to their buyers. Purchasers of the Sphinx SDP Compact were given handguns with serial numbers differing from Mr. ███████’s. Researchers theorize that RPC-995 cannot duplicate objects, but can sell objects that aren’t in production. The reason for this is unclear but could be connected with its pocket dimension.

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